December 20th, 2007

Coffee Squirrel

New Year's...

My favorite holiday coming up after Christmas. I have no resolutions yet except to get better at being and advocating for myself. This means more fun, less drama. I'm ready for more good stuff and while I don't think I've ever put out much negativity, I have internalized it and it made things harder than they had to be during this year. Here's to setting a new pattern for the new year. And hopefully less pills. I'm feeling like a walking pharmacy, dang it.

I was hoping 37 would be a good year. Started out lovely and turned crappy emotionally; now ending on a philosophical note. Philosophical is good. I can deal with that. I hope to be more focused and more content at 38. Focused on what? Myself. That means more focus on YOU my cheeky monkeys, my stalwart friends.

Part of this may involve a new job since I've arranged for most of my classes to be on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I've given up on the idea of a group or club. I do, however, think it might be fun to come up with a non-academic challenge for myself each week. If my apartment were bigger, I'd take up painting. I think I'll do the painting or sculpting thing when I can take a class at school and I'll have a place to paint/sculpt.

I've found I'm loving some things about myself lately:

I love my hair; it's HUGE. I was told by a former classmate that it was beautiful. This took me by surprise since I mostly love that it's obnoxious. But there is a beauty to the rays of salt and pepper coils reaching in all directions. I will have to have a newer photo taken one of these days and show it off.

I love my smile; it's HUGE. I can make it warm. I can make it goofy and child-like or Mona Lisa mysterious.

I love my heart; it's HUGE. It hasn't always been very open, though. I'm working on that.

I love my skin; it's soft. No really, it is. Rarely do I have a blemish. Scars be damned, I =love= my skin. I can feel the smoothness of my back beneath my sweatshirt and it pleases me.

I love trying to be there for friends. It's a selfish act, as making my friends happy makes me happy.

I love when I can step back and admit there actually =are= good things about being me. There are a lot more than I generally remember as I'm going through my days.