May 4th, 2006

Coffee Squirrel

Here we go....

I don't know how much I'll be able to update after this until I get settled in Eugene. I'll miss you all and promise to catch up as soon as I can.

I've been having nervous sleep. I've been anxious and panicky and lonely and detached at the same time. I've been sort of sleepwalking and unsure. This morning, though, I felt something for the first time in a while. I felt sad. I was actually talking to my bus-mates -- I see them every weekday. I finally found them opening up when I told them I was leaving. One, a short guy with a gravely voice, was telling me about his time in the Navy, his trip to Venezuela and the whales outside of Patagonia. The lady with the curly hair and the bike told me about all the traveling she did and how she wasn't sure that she was right to come back to Minnesota and that she was envious of me. The pretty, biracial lady with the wavey hair always in a bun laughed her Marge Simpson laugh and told me about her sons. Then I got off the bus. What are you going to do? What's the etiquette? Do you hug your bus-mates? Should I have made them uncomfortable and given them my number or new address to write me? It's happened that I've gotten closer to a couple of folks *after* leaving a place. I don't know. I just know I'll miss them.

I got here to work and my co-worker had made me a cake! Even Dumbass put streamers and balloons (GODS I HATE balloons) all around my desk. The gesture was nice. And my supervisor wrote me yet another note in Russian. I can't read it. He took a photo of me yesterday and went into photo shop and drew horns and gave me red eyes. I love it. I'm going to miss him SO much. I want to know what his note says...

At any rate: those who are close and who care to can stop by tomorrow afternoon to either help me pack or have coffee with me as I take a break from packing. E-mail me or Call me if you want to get together my last weekend here. My brother will be here Tuesday night. Wednesday we'll head out of the state...I'm afraid. I'm excited. I'm panicked. I don't tell Eric 'coz I don't want to panick him. What can you do? Nothing at this point. We've got to be out of the apartment. The new place is set. I'm going to take heart from the following words from our wise friends in Placebo:

"Run away from all your boredom
Run away from all your whoredom and wave
Your worries, and cares, goodbye
All it takes is one decision
A lot of guts, a little vision to wave
Your worries, and cares goodbye"

Slave to the Wage

Thank you all for being my friends.