||[Apr. 13th, 2006|01:16 pm]
I really have no idea what's led to this. I'm not used to the feeling. A mix of the steroids, testosterone and excitement about the trip. I feel all a-swagger today. I feel like power-tripping. I feel like telling my co-workers that I'm the only reason they have jobs -- my boss doesn't want to dump those bricks because I'm leaving and I'm one of the efficient ones (myself and the other competent lady). I want to use the truth to bludgeon. That's not good. So I've been quietly seething with potency.
I want to crush. Crush things and make them better. Why don't they bend to my will? I want to grab my supervisor and scratch an itch in a closet and make sure everyone hears. It's incongruous to be so small and (even if it's in my mind) have so much power. It makes me smile at everyone as if I'm a preying mantis. A small, cuddly preying mantis.
I'm at a 3/4 smile. That much closer to full use. I feel powerful. If it's the drugs I'll take what I can get. I'm set to lay down the law in Eugene this weekend. Now I need more money for the trip to Chicago at the end of the month... I have to see some folks before the coast. And, barring evil, common money issues, cerulean_scars, I'm happy to join you for a night out! Maybe I'll still be cranked up like this!
Man. I like it. Steroids rule!