March 8th, 2006

Coffee Squirrel

Am I being flirted with?

I can't tell. I was talking to my supervisor (Monkey Brains). He has a photo of a goat at his desk. It's from his aunt's farm. I love goats. I forgot that it was on the wall rather than his computer.

"Why did I think you had that as wallpaper?" I asked rhetorically.
"Who knows *what's* going on in your head?" he asked.
"Oh, be glad you don't know!" I turned and walked away.
"It might be entertaining..." he muttered.
"You'll never know!" I grinned over my shoulder.

Harmless. I know. I wouldn't mind if it turned into a nice little going away present for myself -- boffing my cute soon-to-be-former supervisor. I think I've earned it. I never know when it crosses the line into possibility. The point of flirting is that you aren't sure, I guess.

I remember a couple of weeks ago reading a journal of a friend and having clarity. The first day I met him, he was almost grinning. It was at a group. I thought: this bodes well --friendly, cute guy and all. From reading recent entries, it turns out I was being laughed at. I found out about his pickiness about looks via a meme (illuminating at times, those things) and it rearranged my whole perspective of that day. This is fine, too. No one knows as much as I just how ridiculous I am. I just wish I could tell when folks were just amused at me (it happens. I've walked into silent rooms and watched waves of amused smiles materialize on faces) or if they'd genuinely be open to knowing me. I'll be a dancing dwarf David Lynch dream if you want. I've got no issues with that. It can make my day to ham it up and make people laugh if that's their first inclination when they see me. I just like to know where I stand. Ha. No I don't. What fun would that be? Knowing everything?

I'm just horny. And that's okay.