February 19th, 2006

Coffee Squirrel

Evil Never Tasted So Sweet...

17 February, 2006

I was walking down the aisles of Blockbuster Video. Again I was repulsed and considering tearing up my card but for the convenience. I also felt bad that they chased my local video store away and there’s no video store closer. Bastards. Finally, I was upset because I rented a copy of In Her Shoes a while back and in one scene, the religious fuckwits who run Blockbuster actually digitally extended a shirttail to cover Cameron Diaz’s ass. I was astounded. Not because I have this burning need to see Cameron’s flat, pasty behind (I’ve seen her in bikinis). I was astounded because they had the nerve to do this and actually feel they were doing me a service when I rented the movie to see the unexpurgated work, not to see how nicely they can do graphics to hide buttocks they assume will offend. In sixth grade, we had a book that talked about art and there was a tiny fig leaf drawn over David’s privates in a photo of the sculpture. That kind of condescending censorship pissed me off at 12 years old and it pisses me off now. I have Netflix, but I’m broke and only get one at a time.

At any rate, I was considering getting rid of my card and just dealing with the one movie at a time from Netflix after this Blockbuster rental. Eric had a specific request for Dancehall Queen. He thought it was a documentary. Turned out to be a pretty gritty story by Don Letts, a man of esteem in both the reggae and punk rock world – buds with John Lydon nee Rotten. I grabbed the movie for him. After watching it, I wish they had subtitles for the Jamaican patois. I understood about half of it, but followed the story through context. Anyway, I walked around looking for something for myself when I saw an ad on the one of the shelves. I stopped. I thought I was seeing things:

Gary Busey is: ‘The Gingerbread Man’: Evil never tasted so sweet!”

I looked around. I wanted to grab someone, anyone and ask if they knew who Gary Busey was and if they found this ad as funny as I did. The store was full of people with kids, though. And they seemed to be frazzled as they rushed to pick a movie and get home out of the cold. Almost all of them were warding their wards away from horror flicks. And despite the obvious humor, this was supposed to be a horror movie. Now Gary Busey and I go way back. He’s horrified me since I was a child. One of the best ways to get me to chase after you is to horrify me. I like that he’s snotty and ungrateful and has let his body and his voice go to seed. I'm with Dave Chappelle, the business may be about pimpin' yourself out, but I'd leave the country before letting someone decide HOW I'll be sold. But really, Gary, how low have we sunk? This is beyond Mickey Rourke territory!

I got Flight Plan and Happy Endings and left the store laughing. This was the best part:


This made the freezing wait for the next bus bearable. My laughter kept me warm. And the hilarity never ends…