January 27th, 2006

Coffee Squirrel

So far today

1. I haven't been sleeping well. I don't generally catch anxiety dreams that pass like memes, but I had a pretty weird and vivid dream in which some guy hit theperfumer. There was gonna be a homicide in that house! I jumped in, though (yes, little old me) and verbally tore the guy a new one and made him leave with the sound of my voice. I didn't want my friend going to jail for killing the asshole. I woke up frowning, my heart pounding with fear and adrenaline and ready to kick crush someone's skull. I do know I can be protective of my friends. There was only one time in real life, though, where I got a bit loud. It was in Nashville. And I was yelling at a psychotic crack addict who was intimidating Eric when he lived in a half-way house there. I didn't feel powerful at all. I was just running on righteous indignation alone. He could have killed me, I suppose. At the time, though, I would have taken at least one of his testilces to hel with me. I'm not into people who pressure, insinuate, malevolently manipulate, misuse or without consent abuse others.

2. *sigh* Bad news. I may be forced to go see Big Momma's House 2. Every time those damned commercials come on, I look over at Eric and he's grinning and his chest is kicking with the effort of suppressing his laughter. It looks so stupid. To him, stupid is good. And I love to see him smile. His favorite movies are: Airplane!, Dawn of the Dead (his favorite line is: "Do you mean your real brothers or your street brothers?"), Seven Samurai and The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. Horror, Westerns and comedies are what he enjoys. He follows them easier than he does most of the dramas I like to watch. Luckily, I'm a horror buff, too!

3. I was in a hurry, as usual, to get out the door this morning and I forgot my glasses. Everything is a blur. On a nice note, a co-worker thinks I should have laser surgery on my eyes so I won't have to wear glasses and everyone can see my pretty eyes. I blushed. Compliements are always nice.

That's all I got for you today. Plans to see The Museum of Russian Art tomorrow with theperfumer. It should be a good weekend...
Coffee Squirrel


I am on quite a few online lists. One of them has to do with schizophrenia. I've been in contact for nearly ten years with one James Booth (I know! LOL!) who lives on the Cape in MA. We've never met in person, but I've grown to like him a lot. He includes me in the group of friends he E-mails with his musings. I told him he should get a LiveJournal. I also told him I hope he never cuts his long silver hair. Anyway, I just wanted to share something he wrote.

"The relationship between speed and psychosis is definitely not one to one. Specifically, some people take speed without terrible results, and some people who have taken practically nothing in the way of substances do develop psychosis.

I'm of the opinion that, in general, speed is dangerous to an individual prone to schizophrenia.

I take speed. I mean, in addition to great amounts of Caffeine, I take a stimulant prescribed by a doctor. I take a drug called Provigil, also known as Modafin. I understand that the US Military is a great user of this stimulant. And, I use it for approximately the same reason as the Military. Which is to say, I have had some difficulty with concentration while driving. This drug makes me clear headed, alert, and self-confident!

We all know that, in schizophrenia, there are things present which are not wanted. These things are called positive symptoms. Positive symptoms include such things as hallucinations, delusions, and thought disorder.

We know that in schizophrenia there are things desired that are missing. Things that we wish the personality had but which are missing are called negative symptoms. Negative symptoms include such things as lack of curiosity, lack of motivation, and lack of interest in sex.

There is a real argument that stimulants sometimes give schizophrenics back some of the things they are missing.

On the WWW, I have more than once seen a schizophrenic with a prescription for Dexadrine. Even one Parent, a father with a an MD in cardiology, spoke of a prescription for Dexadrine for his schizophrenic son.

There is a real argument that Provigil helps with the negative symptoms of schizophrenia, and does so without a great deal of danger.

Can speed be addictive? Pretty clearly some people will become completely given over to the desire for speed above the desire of anything else life has to offer.

Good wishes,


PS It is pretty clear that speed kills!"

X-posted to schizofriends