July 13th, 2005

Coffee Squirrel

Bees, Secretary, Uncertainty

Eric's still in pain. He hasn't gone out to look for salvagable stuff. Bad sign. He made dinner last night before I got home. Good sign. I keep checking in with him about the level of pain. Not sure whether to insist on medical care yet. Apparently schizophrenics can sometimes have a higher tolerance for pain. But there are exceptions. And I'm hoping he knows what he can handle.

For two days, I woke to find bees in the bath tub. I was afraid that I'd wake in the middle of the night covered in them. But there were none this morning. I hope there's not a hive nearby.

I watched "Secretary". I loved that movie. recumbentgoat is naughty. She just wanted to see James Spader spank some ass. I'll write more later.
  • Current Music
    click of keyboard, shuffle of paper
Coffee Squirrel

More "Secretary"

Oh, man. That movie gave me hope. And that's a bad thing. I'm the kind of girl who would stay where you put her for 3 days without moving. However, there's no one to sit vigil for. Sad. I love a happy ending. I just don't like it gilded and handed on a silver platter. It has to be earned. I'll hand it to the girl: Lee earned it. And she got only because E. Edward Gray gave in. So we learn, children, that stalking is a good thing.

I stalk. I have the stalker gene. It's recessive. No worries. I stalk and watch, hoping I'll wear someone down with the fact that I'm looking so hard. It's worked. Once. It took five years. I was thrilled and the subject was rewarded. Of course, he was a drunk and barely functional as a communicator. What can you do? He was smart. I like smart. There's one here who strikes me. But that's not going to happen, unfortunately. Besides, Minnesota's dead for me now. I have loves here. But this place has no love for me.

What's the point? Well, I think that I have it in me to fight for what I want. It doesn't mean that what I want will be given. Or that the subject of my lust/ire/concentration will be responsive. You have to get lucky. That being said: if I got lucky once, it could happen again, no?

I'm hoping Eric's chest pains are muscular in nature as ms_jones3_1 suggested. He's still having them. I'm going to stop at the library after work and get some of the legal paperwork anyway. It can't hurt to have everything in place for when he goes. I just hope it's not so soon. I wished the same thing about my brother, though, and it didn't do me good there. *shrug* I'm almost blase about death now. Why does it threaten everything? I just *hate* threats. Let me know where I stand. If death is going to take all those I love and leave me behind, give me a date so I can be prepared. Are all my siblings and me going to go in the order we were born? Give me a couple months to get my stuff in order. Then it's on. But no one expects death; not really. No one expects the Spanish Inquisition either. LOL! This reminds me not of Monty Python but Mel Brooks' "History of the World, Part I":

"The Inquisition
Here we go
The Inquisition
Yes we know --
We know you're wishin'
That we'd go away
But the Inquisition's here
And it's here to stay.

Hey, Torkemada
What do you say?
I killed a hundred Jews today --(on and on. very funny)"

I have no compass. I'm laughing and sad. Giggling and wanting to cry. Oh, well. I'll ride my bike to the bus stop. I'll stop at the library and get the paperwork -- or templates for it. I'll stop and get Eric some lemonade at SuperAmerica (he asked for it). Then I'll go home. Life (and Death) goes on.
  • Current Music
    "When I Fall in Love" - Natalie Cole
Coffee Squirrel


If anyone needs forms for ANYTHING, please visit www.microsoftoffice.com if you can. I printed out a couple of great templates for a Living Will and a plain old if-I-die will. They have templates for everything, though: business plans, grant proposals, etc. Very useful.

Now I just need a couple of witnesses...Anyone? I know. You're busy. I'll get the ladies at the coffee shop across the street to sign. Eric is in there almost daily. Hopefully they won't mind.

I'm not really prone to hyperbole unless it's laced with sarcasm. Really. I looked over the last couple of posts. It could be seen as an overreaction, but you haven't seen Eric. I have.

At any rate. I'm going to go back to work.
  • Current Music
    "Never Enough" Luther Vandross