||[Jul. 6th, 2005|11:30 am]
|||||amused and lonely||]|
|||||"American Woman" - Lenny Kravitz||]|
My virtual buddy,recumbentgoat, posted this to blackfolk a while ago. I couldn't express then how much it resonated with me, being a loner and all. I think the real reason I was singing the Lowenbrau song was because a pretty Asian girl that I see a lot of mornings talked to me. She even asked my name. And inside I'm jumping and happy and wanting to play hookie and go have coffee with her. She had finals for a class today, though.
I wished her luck and tried not to imagine having lunch or dinner with her one day because I didn't want to think of the disappointment when it doesn't happen. Alone time is fine. I'm beginning to fully appreciate how much connections mean, though. My family reunion is coming up. As usual it will be a stressful affair. There will be those I have nothing in common with. I will wonder wjat the point is. And I go away fagged and shagged and glad to be out of there. Then I'll look forward to the next reunion. They're mine. What can you do? It's sad that I've been sent forth to build one of those for myself -- a family of sorts -- and I've failed.
There's something to the European/Latin American impulse to pile together in a house until you get married. Granted, it can happen out of necessity. But there's more. A family home to come back to if things go wrong. A place where grandmother, sister, brother uncle all live and laugh and get on each other's nerves. I have that. If my mom's place weren't so much like a half-way house, I'd move back. I'd get Eric set up nearby. I'd play my music too loud, sneak in the house drunk, pay my mom some "Shut up, I'm 35-years-old" money and have a blast. Going to Europe every year. Ahhh. That's the life. There are too many addicts in that house, though. I'm also not interested in hearing my mom complain how my uncle hasn't paid her or how no one does the dishes. Adults, mind you! My favorite brother (I know, you aren't supposed to have favorites, but I do)is just hiding in his locked room until he gets enough together to move down south with his daughters. My grandmother is finally getting up and about. This is both heartening and troubling after years of arguing and dragging just to get her out of her room. I wish she had her old power back. She could kick the asses of her sons and grandsons and get something done in that house. My mom is too forgiving in some ways.
I'm rambling. Anyway. I was writing to introduce a link about isolation and what it's done to people. How it so much easier to lead people where you want if they have no one to say: wait a minute -- this is crap! or "Soilent Green is *people*!". Here's the link. I may want to buy the book...