This is Lula

so i've been having a vivid fantasy life of late. some of it carries over into my dreams. it starts when i'm awake, though. just to keep my mind busy, i've been running scenarios through my mind of things that really aren't very likely to happen in "real life". very nice things. things i know i would talk myself out of in person.

i haven't been doing any magic at all. is my mind doing it's own "no-hands" magic to try and take care of itself?

i've kicked myself out of the house a couple of times in the past couple of months with good results. it's just taking that step of getting out the door even if there are no plans. i took myself to see "sin city". finally. i liked it a lot. it was creepy. and creepy is good as far as i'm concerned. one line keeps resounding in my head: "i can only express puzzlement bordering on alarm". it makes me laugh. and makes me want to do magic.

better go now. more during lunch...

i'm not going to write here what my magic will be about. i may or may not share the result. but the point is that i haven't been feeling very magical for the past couple of years. there's been a lack of motivation to claim my own power because i got to the point where i doubted i had any. i also wondered what good/harm it does to do any magical working at all.

i'm realizing that i haven't been knocked around the past couple of years because of anything i'd *done*. i mean a random goddess could be minding her own business, shaking her groove thing, and knock me with her hip. i was a sitting target. the point is to know when to join in the dance, no?

i'm not interested whether the stars are aligned for it. i'm gonna do it. i don't care if it's not a full moon. i'm not wiccan. what i care about is results. and getting back into my own inner life.

just thought i'd share some elliot smith. i love this guy. this is how i normally feel at parties.

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