||[Apr. 7th, 2005|01:43 pm]
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at work and must type fast. ayperi_najidah and ceilingsarecool both wrote a couple of entries recently that made me wonder at how folks see and treat each other. ceilingsarecool wrote some notes about what she wanted from a mate. one of them was that she be told that she's the most beautiful woman in a place even if it isn't true. i always fall for people's magic as much as their looks -- more so. think about it: when someone is smart, funny, treats me well, then they ARE the most beautiful person in the room as far as i'm concerned. it *becomes* true. i am initially attracted to odd-looking people. my friends cringe because i would love to grab crispin glover, don cheadle or christopher walken, snap them in two and suck out their marrow (but they're famous. that makes them count *less*. it's not fair to get extra mojo because someone knows who you are. but it happens). aside from odd looking, i like charm.
when i think of what i find attractive, i'm not even thinking of a single, sexual monogomous mate. i don't think along those lines. it's been beaten out of me. i think of a person as either someone i would love to know, or someone i'm indifferent about (until i get to know them. i always want to know more). i just don't/can't deal in sexual attractiveness as the singular reason for having folks outside my family in my life. if you engage with me, i engage with you. if you don't, i keep trying. but i eventually give up. i get tired. i don't know what people want. i just wonder at all the walls and gates people put up around themselves to keep out those they decide (at any point) aren't "cool" enough, smart enough, sexy enough to have around (*shakes fist at the heavens*). you *become* sexy, folks, when you become human. if you don't get to that point, you're using the other person as an organic fuck-doll that looks like what you see in a magazine and want to have in your home.
*sigh* if i could remember the above all the time, i wouldn't feel so self-conscious. i'd sing anywhere. i'd dance anytime. and i'd drive off at any second to go see rocketllama. or drag ayperi off for tea and a bellydance lesson. i'd take ceilings shopping for books!
anyway, i wouldn't mind being a cat lady. i like cats. and i hope i get bored with trying to jump into the world's vision of worth/beauty/sexiness. the sooner i'm done with that, the more i'll enjoy my single old age. i'll travel anytime with no kids. my siblings will be jealous!
of course. i'm not done yet. but i gotta get back to work. will try to catch shadow_disciple at work tomorrow! yay!