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March 8th, 2005 - This is Lula — LiveJournal [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Angelic Fruitcake

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March 8th, 2005

(no subject) [Mar. 8th, 2005|03:27 am]
Angelic Fruitcake
[mood |crazycrazy]
[music |click of keyboard]

i hope this link works...

http://207.44.245.159/article8214.htm

i'm getting LESS stable as i get older. finding out about things like this is why. there's no trust. and we aren't totally unique in this way. there's spin in every country. but it's crazy here how psychotic we are about keeping everything *clean*. anything and anyone we don't want to deal with has a way of...disappearing. they have a way of forgetting things here. like getting lost in some gelatinous material. horrific things happen, but they happen as if in a dream state...
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(no subject) [Mar. 8th, 2005|04:04 am]
Angelic Fruitcake
[mood |sadsad]
[music |click of keyboard]

i can't seem to get enough sleep. i get up early (4:50am) to go down and be near my nephew so i can be there when he wakes up at about 6:30a or so. i get him a bottle. i let him rest. i cook his cream of wheat. i get him out of the crib. i change his butt, i feed him, i get him dressed and try to brush his hair before my sister picks him up for day care.

i wanted to spend most of the day with my brother. i didn't get there until almost 5p, tho. my mom dropped me off. my brother drifts now. he can say the same mean things he used to. and there's such a weight to it now. he was asking me to do something. i didn't do it "right". "use your head, t! what's wrong with you?!" he shouted. i felt such a sudden and unexpected emotional response. i left the room for a moment. i was six years old and angry at him again. yet i was 35 and sad that he's got to fight through this, whatever the other side is (well, unfortunately, it seems the other side is death as the doctors have "done all they can").

i stayed until my mother re-joined us at nearly 7p. left at 8:45p or so to do a couple more errands. i was hoping to go out with my buddy: have a drink, see a flick. i left him a message. i had to call and apologize that i didn't get back. he's a workaday guy so it was too late to go out. i'm sleepy anyway. more later. tomorrow. whenever.
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