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February 27th, 2005 - This is Lula — LiveJournal [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Angelic Fruitcake

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February 27th, 2005

internalize this [Feb. 27th, 2005|01:32 pm]
Angelic Fruitcake
[mood |amusedamused]
[music |click of keyboard]

how do you love someone? you take them into yourself. you think of them when they're not around. you internalize them, of course. isn't that what we all want? someone to care what we're doing? to look for us first in a crowded room? to accept us no matter how gassy, dark, cynical, optimistic or goofy. rocketllama had a great entry about that. we all wish it for ourselves. we all figure it's impossible to have someone internalize us as much as we do them. nothing's impossible, though, i'm finding.

well. i internalize almost too quickly. i call to say hi now and then if i have the number. i get almost too nervous about what to say or whether someone will be glad to hear from me. i called megasaurus, my conservative punk friend from the company that fired me. she was happy to hear from me. she heard my giggle and knew who it was. she had been thinking of me. she said her boyfriend had even mentioned me a couple times. how humbling. i only met him three times. he was sweet and quiet and stern. i liked him. at any rate, we talked about the fact that she got laid off (effective this june). she's going to use the severence pay and time off to finish school and search for a job. i missed her. yet i assumed it was too soon or too late to call, you know? i went against my better judgment and called anyway. and it was good. she thought about me, too. there's even a little redhead boy she wants to set me up with (?!?! ). i was also asked to please call again!?!

anyway. i went against my better judgment again on friday. i called the lady back -- the one who i spoke to about a job at the call center of a national cable company? i told her i wanted to reiterate that i was very interested in the job and that losing my last job was the first time being fired - EVER - and that if she wanted an idea of how i worked she could call my former supervisor and my co-workers. i also reminded her that i was there for nearly four years so i was doing something right. she thanked me for the call. we hung up. five minutes later, she called me back to set up an interview and a "skills assessment for this tuesday". i may have a JOB soon. wish me luck.

at any rate. i think i might keep going with this taking the action the goes against the grain. who knows where it will lead? i should call A again, just because she won't expect it...
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reading material/writing exercises [Feb. 27th, 2005|01:49 pm]
Angelic Fruitcake
[mood |amusedamused]
[music |click of keyboard]

now i'm reading "armed struggle: the history of the IRA" by richard english. pretty good so far. and very objective. non of that: "bad, violent IRA -- must be spanked!" but also no psychotic "kill anyone for the cause" mentality. just got through the first couple of chapters, but so far nicely done.

at the same time i'm reading a book i was supposed to have read in high school "the great gatsby". now i know why it's so hard to digest the canon of western literature. granted, this isn't an old, great book but it's still held in high regard. and yet i have to deal with this asshole who lives in a big house, cheats on his wife and reads racist literature. why am i supposed to care? granted. i just started this, too, but still...

well. i'll finish it anyway. i'm not one to walk out on a movie or completely give up on a book very easily. it might take me some time, but i'll get back to you about it. perhaps i should read some WEB DuBois to balance it. or Hunter S. Thompson to craze it up a bit in honor of his memory.

i watched television yesterday, but not as much. i'm trying to talk myself into a reading jag. i also have an idea for writing. i plan to use a box or bowl and write ideas for scenes on a little pieces of paper. i'll pick one out each day or every other day and do 1,500 words on it. any suggestions are appreciated. they can be ideas for fictional characters or something as simple as: "write what you remember about the first house you lived in". perhaps i'll post what i write to the communities i'm in. though they weren't very vocal about the last bits i posted. oh, well.
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