February 23rd, 2005

Coffee Squirrel

in limbo

at my employment agency again. using the computer and checking for jobs. we'll see what happens. i found out the bus to chicago is $67. one way. so much more expensive than it used to be. might as well pay the $80 and take the train if i go.

i still haven't heard from "teach for america". i'm thinking of calling them. would that be too forward and impatient since they told me they'd contact me before 7 march? i can just say i'm checking on my status. what's wrong with showing interest? ha. i should ask this after all the looks and rejections i've endured for expressing interest? i'm going to call anyway. who cares?

i'm tired, but actually sort of upbeat. the crabby bitch who complained about my step stool at work was actually nice. she didn't even glare at me when she tripped over it -- her fault completely as i HAD moved it out the line of traffic. i made a few bucks, caused some lower back pain, but people were friendly and patient for the most part.

i got to card someone. me. I GOT TO CARD SOMEONE for alcohol. it was comical. i get carded all the time. now. the tables have turned. i carded some guy who looked 40 just because i could. he laughed. i smiled. a good time was had by all. turns out he was 34. it's so hard to tell sometimes. my perspective is skewed as i come from a family that has great genes as far as that's concerned -- we all look younger than we are. good black don't crack and all that.

so. i'm just sort of riding the wave. brian is taking me to my appointment at the food shelf tomorrow. nice of him. i do appreciate it. i just don't want anyone to think i'm taking advantage. expressing gratitude is always a good thing. i try to buy lunch when i can to make up for it. that's been rare lately, though, as i've been broke.

my brother is in the hospital again. chest pains. and he was in last week for throwing another blood clot. i don't know if i've updated about his condition in other posts. i just don't like to think much about it. it makes me think of how difficult it must be for him. he's such a man's man. a big guy -- or he was. and now to need help to WALK somewhere? has to be humiliating for him. but then, we can surprize ourselves with our strength. who knows? i remember shocking everyone when i was helping a friend move. i grabbed an innocuous box. it was kind of heavy, but i sucked it up and took the thing inside. di nearly choked on her water: "you carried that by yourself?" turns out it was an old window unit air conditioner, something i would never have imagine being able to lift. and eric is constantly amazed that my little legs are able to keep up with him when he's walking. he's six feet one inch. most of the time i don't complain. if i'm sick, i yell for him to slow down. point is, we don't always know what we're capable of.

anyway. back to the job hunt. later.

-Lula.
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