January 18th, 2005

Coffee Squirrel

it didn't work...

not that it matters, but obviously the previous entry didn't work. it was a comic book drawing of bush as a vampire biting the neck of lady liberty. very sinister and funny. but i only have twenty minutes of computer time left, so i can't play around with it.

my brother is very likely dying. it costs $2,000 for this lawyer to set up the whole deal so my sister can adopt his kid. ridiculous. and $500 for immediate guardianship. and the kid's mom can try to contest it. that would mean more money to lawyers and less for my family -- AND WE'RE THE ONES WHO HAVE HAD THIS KIDS SINCE JUST AFTER IT WAS BORN! my brother's got no insurance, so it'll cost us to get him in the ground. why am i talking about money? what else is there in the end? he's got nothing to leave his son except a crackhead mother. my sister will do a wonderful job raising him, but the lawyers will drain her resources first. and he still hasn't written up anything about what he wants when he's dead.

i'm just frustrated that it IS all about money and that when he needs to relax and take care of himself with what time he's got left, he has to be terrified about what he's leaving. grrr! i don't know what to do. and yet again, i failed an online test for my computer class. i DID however get a nice note from my instructor telling me to calm down and that i'll do fine. it was nice of him, considering he doesn't know what else i've got going on besides the class: crap job, dying brother, useless degree, no money.

i've given in. i'm going to the bank after i'm done here and closing out my IRA. nothing left to do. i'll pay ahead some rent, send my mom some money to start a fund for the lawyer fees (hopefully, others in the family will give ten, twenty, fifty dollars and we'll get to $2,000). i have to work. and then, on top of everything, we've got city inspectors coming again tomorrow to look at our place. i have a three-prong adapter as there is only ONE outlet with three prongs and i needed a power strip for my computer stuff. i'll just have to unplug it until they leave. it SUCKS. i don't know what else to do... i'm going to the library.


P.S. - i should add some gratitude. these are nice folks who were kind to me in minnesota. it was YOU, not minnesota, that kept me here:

amber: who fed me and was the only person to come try to see me when i had my operation

a-bomb: so nice. thanks for going w/eric and me to Blade 2 that time. you've been respectful and kind.

aedh_rua: always very generous with his person and his ideas. and he doesn't think i'm stupid! that's a plus. i love listening to you.

brian: thanks for the food, rides, kindness, company

amoraj: thanks for the company and the talks. i hope you're having a blast in china.

clay: sweet little boy! thanks for keeping in touch!

WELLL.... better go to the bank. i gotta work at 3pm
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