October 27th, 2004

Coffee Squirrel

oh, dear...

i've been invited to another party by the coworker who had a birthday last week. i'm not certain what to do. how will i get there? will eric be able to come along, though amy and most of her friends don't smoke? eric smells like smoke even when he's not smoking. and what could i wear? a costume is required and all...

other news: i had the interview today for medical records clerk at a clinic affiliated with the hospital. i was very nervous. i hope it went well. i'm not very objective when it comes to judging my performances in situations like that. at least if i were on stage somewhere and the crowd started booing, i'd know to change tactics. i wonder what she wrote in her notebook. i've got conspiracy fever. everybody hates me! joking. they don't notice enough to hate. at any rate, i hope i get this job. it's over by 3:30p every weekday. i'd still have time to run errands, go to the bank, pick up a few dvd's before i come home for dinner! i'm trying to tell myself that either way i'll be fine, but i hope i got it. then i can tell them i'll start in 3 weeks, give 2 weeks' notice here and have a week to relax or go to chicago or check out eugene, oregon if i can squeeze out the money.

other other news: i talked to a lady who does marketing and communications writing. she was very nice. scolded me and told me to MAKE time to write. i'm going to have eric be my watchdog on this matter. though he's not a taskmaster, i know he'll appreciate the time i'm not watching television. he can listen to his music while i write. he loves the reggae, mon. and the world music. some of it's real nice. anyway, the lady i spoke with was very nice and supportive and was sure i could do it, if writing is what i really want to do. i think the only way to find out is to do it. i'm tactile that way...

other other other news: i was invited to write something for an expatriot magazine. it would be nice to be read by folks all over the world. they don't pay, though. at least my name will be out there -- that is if i do it. it would be a journal about my own desire to become an expatriot and how one goes through the process of moving to another country. especially if you don't know the language. it would cover how to find a job, services for eric, etc. the guy who wrote me back sounded interested. we'll see what happens with that.

other other other other news: bad news, now -- my brother is having trouble keeping food down again. the tumor may be growing. he doesn't want to have an operation. and he's still deciding if he wants to do another round of radiation and chemo. i can't imagine. he's such a gruff guy. i know it must scare him, though. and i know he's in pain. and he's worried he'll miss seeing his son grow up. he's only a year old. but being the oldest of six kids, he's used to sucking it up and not whining -- he's not averse to BARKING at people, though. the hateful bastard. no, we know he's in pain when he yells or tries to hurt our feelings.

and he's young himself: only 41 or so (we're not the kind of family that keeps close track of age, though i do call to say hello on birthdays). at any rate, there are times i feel really sad about this, and times it makes me mad taht he won't fight harder against the cancer. there are times i almost feel he's gone already. finally, there are days it's just too ennervating to think of his illness at all. i'm human, i admit it. at any rate, he's got an appointment at the end of this week with his team of doctors. i suppose, as usual, no one will tell me what he's decided. and HE sure won't call himself. we aren't a family of close communicators, though we're there when the chips are down. the most communicative of us is my mother. and he might not tell HER, so i won't know for a while...

wow. i sure ended on a downer, didn't i? i better get my buttocks to work...i wish they could work. then i could keep writing. that would be a neat trick. maybe i need to go to another party. it would be nice. perhaps i can talk eric into taking a bath TWICE this week. that would be a neat trick, too.

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