||[Oct. 26th, 2004|11:42 am]
i suppose it doesn't matter if my anxiety and depression are organic or environmental. what matters is to do something else, get involved in something else, distract the ennui. moving would be a distraction. i can't afford it right now, though. writing after work will be a nice distraction. and i won't even have to feel bad about not entertaining eric as he's got an appointment with his group leader to talk about goals. i don't know how i would feel about that if i were him.
he's a man with schizophrenia who finds it hard to take care of himself. people find him creepy. he has very few friends. what is there to say? what goals to achieve? work? well, he can't handle the pressure of a full time job. even if he got a part time job, then his SSI would go down and they'd take his food stamps away. friends? he has no control over the reactions of others any more than i do. he just has a hard time with environment. he sess signs and can think people are saying something else indirectly and not being honest. he does better one on one. but he doesn't like the computer and so can't meet someone that way. i don't even meet people that way.
well, point is, we -- eric and i -- are both here. we may as well enjoy each others' company and hang on for the ride since we're both over our silly suicidal days. we're here for the duration. why not make it as enjoyable as possible. that should be his goal: enjoy things. and brush his teeth (tee, hee! no. really). i could definitely walk with him while it's still warm enough to go for a brisk walk. i can't afford the medicine, but i can work to keep the insulin thing under control.
i'm going to get a card and stick it up at the coffee shop. i'll try to get a weekly writers' thing going. i know most are once a month, but i wanna focus on productivity. if they have completed things they want to hand out, fine. we can read and critique on our own time and get it back. but at the weekly meetings, we'll just read a couple of pages even if it's just journaling. i think it might work.