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October 22nd, 2004 - This is Lula — LiveJournal [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Angelic Fruitcake

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October 22nd, 2004

sabotage [Oct. 22nd, 2004|06:25 pm]
Angelic Fruitcake
[mood |curiouscurious]
[music |Beck-"Sea Change"]

i'm not sure if i'm sabotaging myself or not. i had an appointment today to interview for medical records clerk in a university clinic in the phillip's neighborhood. i rescheduled because i didn't get up in time to get there and back in time for this job (clothing store). it's now for 8:30a on wednesday. way early, but the job would be 7a to 3p if i got it. i think those are fine hours. i could take a nap and go out with eric. i could eat at 6p instead of 9 in the evening and then go to sleep. anyway, i hope that my rescheduling doesn't look too bad to the lady. i hope she's not too annoyed.

i have to decide if i'm going to reschedule the "teach for america" thing for the february deadline. i have one essay to do and haven't done it yet. i've got one full day to do it and get it in on sunday. i hope k (eric's sister) will let me do it at her place. the library doesn't let you attach or upload anything. it sucks. i'll type the essays tomorrow, maybe. then i'll upload them and finish the application on sunday at her place. if she's not busy with family stuff. maybe i should ask brian. hmmm....otherwise, i'll just switch it to the february deadline.

i actually gave in and tried to call k-dog yesterday or the day before. luckily, his phone is temporarily out of service. thank the goddess. i've made an ass of myself enough. i should write to amber and see how she and a-bomb are doing. she took some time off work -- and she never does that. she said, when i last spoke with her, that she's doing fine now. i hope she's still doing well. she was the best when i went in for surgery. my mom came up. amber cooked for and tried to stop and see me. i was so pleased that someone up here would care so much. i try hard and smile hard, i am too conciliatory for my own good, and i still don't make many connections.

i hope that i have a good time tonight. i'm going to "a", a co-worker's birthday party for a few hours. i'm tired, so i don't want to stay long. perhaps there'll be someone there to talk to. or perhaps "a" and i will get closer and become friends. why am i worried about it? because i'm a freak and because it's not healthy to have a single person be your only social and emotional outlet. i don't care about marriage: your spouse is not your world. at least it's safer for your sanity if they are not. they SHARE your world, that's the best. and there's nothing much for eric and i to share as we see each other all the time and know the whole story before it's said. and generally, it's a story of: minnesota nice does not exist on anything but a superficial level. i suppose i SHOULD be glad of that.

i talked to mr. t. he's not mad at me, though i owe him some money. he said whenever i can get it to him would be fine. he understands i'm underemployed at the moment. he's so sweet. i wish he were near so we could go for a drink. going out and having a beer with T is always calming. i also called to get some discount prescription card. i've only been taking one of the prescriptions i'm supposed to take for my insulin resistance. i was told by the nurse at the office that it's not therapeutic if i don't take both the birth control pills to regulate my periods AND the metformin to regulate the insulin. i told her i can't come in because i have no insurance right now. and i can't afford to get both out. she suggested an online pharmacy in canada. i may do that as well. i'm going to make an effort to take care of myself. not regulating this stuff could be the reason for my sudden drops in...enthusiasm for things...

well, better go.

-Lula.
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