October 7th, 2004

Coffee Squirrel


perhaps teaching others and trying to motivate them will keep my IQ points from falling. teaching has been coming up more and more lately in my imagination. i think i would do well teaching High School English. i go to an informational meeting at the U this coming monday. i'm getting more and more excited about it. it takes two years and i'll be certified. i also have a couple more steps to complete for teach for america. we'll see which one pans out.

i still want to get to europe this coming spring. it's a need for both eric and myself. neither of us are sure how to navigate the social matrix of minnesota nor the US itself. he's experienced the ease with which you can speak to someone in europe about anything. it's not a promised land, but there's less of a dance. i got a mere taste of it when i went to england for a week and met the pen pal i've had since 6th grade. it was fabulous meeting him in person. and i liked his town of lincoln, england better than london. people were forthright and helpful. the guy from the B&B i stayed at was nice enough to drive me to this guy's house. and then we stopped for fish and chips after leaving a note for my friend because he wasn't there. he was just SO nice and laid back. and it wasn't a big deal. i wasn't taking advantage. he had nothing to do that night. and i wasn't prying if i asked personal things: that's what folks do -- they TALK. i'm never sure what to say in the US, or how to avoid crossing a line. i end up sounding stilted and weird no matter what. ah, well. at any rate, i'm determined to get some money together so we can go for a month. about 3 weeks in amsterdam and about 2 or 1 and a half weeks in denmark. i'm determined to get there.

i fantasize about teaching and then going to europe every summer. and if bush wins and things get worse, i'll find a way to stay there. i need to learn another language. i'm thinking, as usual, it will be danish. eric loves amsterdam, so i may get some dutch in as well.

let's not be misleading: most folks here are well-intentioned. just lacking in irony and imagination. and rife with fear. oy! i don't want to die anymore than anyone else, but i don't spend all day thinking of ways i can or else buying things to avoid thinking about dying...hey, maybe i do. perhaps that's what all the food is about. who knows. point is, i just don't feel at home, despite the nice and well-meaning americans. perhaps travel will change things internally and i can come back feeling i can build something here. we'll see...